composed while composing my story : PART 2

I have practiced countless hours of yoga loving the control of my body and breath and occasionally even my mind. In a state this is uncomfortably comfortable My most resent recognition through reflection of the stories of yoga and knowing my own habits…The path of Yoga isn’t a practice to only physically control our bodies. It’s also preparation and work towards breakthroughs to access our powerful hearts wisdom to help us to live joyfully in the best possible ways. A yoga practice prepares us to witness and experience life in during the most fearful moments.

I attended a meeting regarding my foster daughter with five others. I wasn’t given any indication the agenda would be any different than our regular monthly meetings.


Two months prior there had been a family implosion due to a situation between my foster daughter and biological daughter. We had an immediate “family meeting” to address and manage the damage control with consequences put in place. We have since had many “family meetings” to aid in the processing of the situation and even a few impromptu “family meetings”. Encouraging dialog between the girls sadly has been completely ineffective.

I was bewildered by the agenda of the meeting which was the mentioned very stressful family situation. I sat the edge of my seat to keep my back comfortable. Within moments of this meeting starting I was asked to explain myself in the situation from a couple months ago and explain what my biological daughter was feeling and thinking before and after. Why hadn’t I informed them of this situation and point blank, “we are questioning if this placement is still a good fit”.

My old habits would have me physically slouch in my seat, slump my shoulders forward, hang my head and twist my insides into a billion knots. However as I witnessed my mental stream literally, “what the hell, this situation happened two months ago!”, “why am I back on this topic?”, “this again?,” “i’m leaving”, “i’m not defending my self” and a loud mental ‘F’ bomb. I turned my gaze to the center of the room, consciously determined to psychically remain tall and grounded, keep my neck long, jaw loose, strong in my center and my skin soft to feel my heart pounding. I felt attacked with NO warning.

I connected to my breath – my sweet savor dirgha (a 3 part-belly breath: filling belly, chest and softly inhaling to my collar bones). In a very short time frame I processed as best I could to find my authentic voice. I responded from my heart to explain my actions – “We handled the situation like a family and continue to. Kids don’t come with hand books, I had NO idea I was to report such incidents” and I apologized. However there is a much deeper issue in the home due to my foster daughter – great resistance to communicate.

I walked away feeling pleased and confident with my ability to speak clearly however I was shaken up emotionally. That afternoon I consciously thanked my many yoga teachers and all my time on the mat. I was equipped with useful tools to face an extremely unnerving situation that felt at first out of my control to the edge of my own discomfort to respond vibrantly clear from my heart.

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1 comment

1 jenngator222 { 06.02.11 at 2:23 pm }

And I THANK YOU for teaching me the breathing, so I can use as therapy in my own life: