refuge was divine…in time

I was side swiped last week. Not in a physical manner as you might imagine.

I was baited into a conversation by someone I believed was a friend. Without any warning of the accusations that would be dumped on me I felt very threatened and unsafe.

Customarily I would have become physically numb, emotionally overwhelmed and energetically launched like a shiny pinball in a machine.

However as I would later reflect this was the point that the success of my ‘work’ revealed itself…I paused and allowed myself to become sensitive, feel, listen and breathe. I remained steady and spoke with my most authentic voice and walked away feeling like I had quite eloquently survived a battle. Little did I know that this interaction was just the beginning of more internal work to be done.

Day one I felt attacked and guilty
Day two I felt shell shocked and powerless
Day three I was enraged
Day four I felt overwhelmed
Day five I felt irritated
Day six I was absolutely exhausted
Day seven I nurtured optimism

As the snow fell in Connecticut during these seven days I knew the brazen conversation was an awakening. Up until now my life had been spent being dumped on by others and my critical self. The snow piled up and I turned my attention to the layers of ‘compost’ inside me.

Relationships evolve and I think many of us have experienced noticeable shifts with people who may not like the changes that yoga has brought into your lives. This can create friction in relationships and be frightening to people that have known us to be certain way(s).

The work we do on the mat prepares us in a variety of ways for the churning on life. The work I am focusing on right now is my new armor for the battlefield of life. My old armor felt very heavy and eclipsed my passions I feel more confident in my new armor, it feels weightless. I feel naked yet totally protected.

Through our practice of yoga we become stronger to handle relationships and most importantly the relationship with ourselves. It’s vital that we remember that nothing is more important than us feeling wonderful while we live as fully as we can.

For added support I made contact with my trusted advisers; my dear friends and my loving family. I made time to visit with the healers that I’ve benefited from over the years. I received body work, I did my “maintenance yoga” and I meditated. I was totally determined, “I am done giving up my power that allows me to feel small and unworthy”.

my “maintenance yoga”
childs pose
table
low lunge (each side)
standing forward fold
low lunge with twist (each side)
standing forward fold
side stretch with gentle twisting

Making a comfortable seat I turn my focus on my easy natural breath as I sit. I chant and pause. When an emotion sparks inside me I direct my full attention to it stating, “dear one I am here for you, I am here for you”. I repeat this over and over until I am soothed.

I need to connect to the earth in a serious way, to stand as steadily as possible and fiercely with love for my life remembering and envisioning my dreams.

I went deep and felt what was at my core. As much as my old habits would have me running for the hills I stayed to be the witness to the epic immersion. I needed the great pause that yoga has taught me and challenged me to hone. I had to not react with emotions but rather deep wisdom. Understanding that there are ways to respond that might temporarily feel satisfying however I know using my authentic tools is best overall.

Yoga calls us out of some dark corners inside ourselves drawing us towards the brilliance of our hearts to come out and play. We pause and look around at the panoramic view and remind each other that now more than ever the world needs us to shine brightly with our passions. Turning inward we find inspiration from our breath using yoga poses to bring intelligence to the surface and with great discernment we stand tall using our gifts to bring joy into the world.

We dream to be living and sharing our gifts with the world and together we’ll live our dreams.



Comments

2 comments

1 Martha { 02.10.11 at 2:01 pm }

Dawn, your sharing in this article is a helpful reminder to me to dig in to my practice, into the light in myself, to stop and listen – listen until I see and hear and get it (understand what I am being taught) and nuzzle into the supports I know and trust for confirmation, surrender and regrounding. Thank you. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Peace

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